ASK BEV
Each month, Bev will choose a reader’s question on anxiety or depression to answer which will provide valuable information for others. If you would like to submit a question for this section, please use the contact form. You will remain anonymous, apart from a name of your choice and state/country. All future postings will appear on Bev's new blog.
Dear Bev, Just wondering if you could tell me how long it took you to get over your anxiety? Janine Qld
Dear Janine, this would have to be the Number 1 most asked question I receive from people with anxiety !
Actually, I have never answered this question directly for two important reasons. The first reason is that, despite appearances, anxiety does not just magically ‘appear’ then ‘disappear’. It may seem that way when you have your first panic attack but if you look back, you will see a pattern of anxious thinking throughout your life. Recovery is a process of learning new skills, especially regarding your thinking and applying them until it becomes automatic to do so. As with any new skill, this takes time and practice.
Secondly, if I was to put a time limit on recovery, people may become fixated with this ‘deadline’. Everyone is different and so is our individual progress.You’ll know when you’re well.
Dear Bev, Do you still get anxiety? Ann, NZ
Hi Ann,
Not really. I certainly don’t experience panic attacks anymore, nor any level of anxiety that I cannot handle. However, I am a human being and can occasionally get a bit blue but don’t we all? Life can be challenging.
The thing is, even if I do get a bit down, I know I will come out of it and I will learn something important on the way.That is the difference...when you first experience anxiety or depression, you don’t think you will ever feel otherwise. Recovery means that you can steer yourself out of these ups and downs and find the learning within the experience. Or, even better,you learn to avoid going there in the first place !
Hi Bev, what do you think is the key to recovery from anxiety? Ron, Vic
Hi Ron, there are several keys (which are all covered in the IT Kit) but the important thing is they must be used often and not allowed to rust!
However, the most important key is getting your thinking right. Get that mastered and everything else follows. No matter what comes up, it’s what you tell yourself about it that affects how you experience it...even your anxiety !
Another significant key involves changing your relationship with your anxiety, which, of course, means changing you relationship with yourself. After all, your ‘IT’ is you !
To me, the definition of recovery is “You no longer fear the fear”.
Dear Bev, Sorry, I know you say that panic attacks don’t just happen but I was on holidays and out of the blue, I had these panic attacks. It was awful. Jennifer NSW
Dear Jennifer,
I’m sticking to my guns on this. It could be that, as your body began to relax, your latent anxiety took over or there may even have been something about your ‘being allowed’ to relax in the first place!
There is a questionnaire that I put to people in your situation (it’s in the IT KIT). In brief, some of the questions include “Are you are perfectionist?’ Do things need to be ‘just so’ before you can truly relax? Do you constantly look after others more than yourself? Do you use the terms ‘should’, ‘must’, ‘have to’ and ‘got to’ frequently? Do you worry what others think of you?“
You may have already identified with a few of the above and, if so, this is a clue to the kind of approach to life in general that leads to anxiety.
The bottom line is, it is impossible to be relaxed and anxious at the same time. Your body might have been resting but your mind was still hard at work.
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